Someone You Can’t Live Without

Perhaps DragonHeart isn’t what you think of when someone says the word “fairytale,” but when you grow up with three brothers, you are just as familiar with it as you are with Cinderella. And since it has all the fantastical qualities of a fairytale (an evil king, a dragon that sounds like Sean Connery, and a knight in shining armor who beats Prince Charming any day), we’re going to learn a few things from this masculine fairytale.

The story begins with a battle in which the young prince Einon is critically injured. The queen’s longstanding family history of peace and friendship with the dragon race is the only thing that can save her son.  She swears that her son will not follow in the footsteps of his wicked father, but be trained in justice. Because of her promise, the dragon agrees to give half of his heart to the dying prince. His heart keeps Einon alive. The prince’s life depends on that dragon, not only in the moment when he receives the heart, but throughout the rest of his life. When Einon hurts, the dragon hurts. Einon cannot live without the dragon, nor can he die until the dragon is destroyed. Their lives are intertwined, and their deaths are likewise.

The one quote that has struck me most strongly regarding singleness/dating is the statement made by Shannon Kubiak Primicerio in her book The Divine Dance. “Don’t look for someone you can live with; look for someone you cannot live without.” The thing I find most fascinating about the idea of marriage is the mystery of two people becoming one. They are still two separate people with two different personalities, yet somehow they are as one. When he hurts, she hurts; when’s he’s happy, she’s happy. Their lives are intricately connected in a way that I suppose I will never understand until I’m married.

I’m one of those people who believe that God created me with a certain man in mind. And while He gave me my own heart and own passions, one day, my heart is going to mold perfectly into the heart of another. I’m holding out for that one somebody whose heartbeat matches mine, who hurts when I hurt, and sings when I sing. I’m holding out for the man whose passions compliment mine, who values the things I value, and whose vision comes into alignment with my own. And while I’ve met many guys who I’ve figured I could live with, I’m not settling for something as simple as that. I’m holding out for the man I was created to become one with – the man I cannot live without.

Once Upon a Dream

Flashback into a Disney scene in Sleeping Beauty: It’s a typical fairytale set-up including the woodland creatures skittering about the beautiful forest. Lost in a world that is entirely her own, our fairytale heroine reflects on a dream she had recently experienced. And since this is a Disney film, of course it came out in the form of a song.

I know you
I walked with you once upon a dream
I know you
The gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam
Yes, I know it’s true
that visions are seldom all they seem
But if I know you, I know what you’ll do
You’ll love me at once
the way you did once upon a dream

As she’s vocalizing and dancing about to the memory of a dream, her song is suddenly joined by a masculine voice, strong arms wrapping around her waist as her Prince materializes before her eyes. She melts into his embrace and they dance as one, both enraptured by the same dream. It’s so charming, so romantic, so… perfect. This is one of those scenes that elicits the statement: “Walt Disney gave me unrealistic expectations of men.”

Now, I’m pretty sure Walt Disney didn’t set out to crush the hopes of young women everywhere. I know he was an advocate of dreaming big, but I don’t think his intention was to set us up for disappointment. I think it’s our own skewed perspectives that are breaking our hearts. Fairytales weren’t meant to be realistic. I mean, come on, Sleeping Beauty, fairies, magic spells… When’s the last time you pricked your finger on a spindle and fell asleep for a hundred years? And would you really want to watch the movie if Prince Charming had simply walked up to her in that moment and said, “Hey, you’re kind of cute. Want to go out?” Whoo. Exciting.

Let’s be honest with ourselves for a minute. We’ve taken fairytales to a level they were never meant to achieve. Stop blaming Disney for your heartaches, leave Prince Charming in your dreams, and live as if you believed your life was meant for something far greater.

Bippity, Boppity, Boo

When I say the word “fairytale,” what story pops into your mind? For me, it’s Cinderella. I think that one is the most epic fairytale of all time. There’s just something about that girl who rises from servitude to royalty because of one glorious night at the ball. And we all know where that moment of magic began…

Follow me to a scene in the Walt Disney movie, Cinderella. Her dress has been torn, her dreams have been crushed. We find her sobbing in the garden when her fairy godmother appears. With a few encouraging words, a cheerful tune, and a wave of a wand, Cinderella’s entire world is transformed. For Cinderella, this was the beginning of her happily ever after, and the start of a brand new once-upon-a-time. For the rest of us, it began the fairy godmother fallacy.   

“Where’s my fairy godmother? Wouldn’t it be great if some lady with a wand would come out of the woodwork and help me out a little?” This question is pondered by fairytale characters too.  Have you ever watched the musical Once Upon a Mattress? Princess Winifred stews over the idea of living “happily, happily, happily ever after” while exclaiming that Cinderella had outside help and Snow White had “practically a legion” of dwarves. I think we can all relate with Princess Winifred when she sings, “I wish that happily ever after would happen to me.”  

I just want to take a minute to point out that Cinderella wasn’t looking for her fairy godmother; she was sobbing over a pile of broken dreams. The fairy godmother appeared when the timing was right. Likewise, you don’t have to search for happily ever after. When the timing is right, and only when the timing is right, your dream of Prince Charming will be realized.

It probably won’t come in the form of a fairy godmother, but the fairy godmother from the story is nothing but a personification of a turning in Cinderella’s life. Perhaps it won’t be that blatantly obvious that this is the start of happily ever after, but that point in your life will come nonetheless.

You don’t have to look for it, and you don’t have to spend your life trying to find Prince Charming. When the timing is right, it will suddenly become perfectly clear that happily ever after is happening to you.

The Facts Behind the Fairytales

“Okay, Rebekah,” you may be thinking. “Why the obsession with fairytales? Why can’t you just let them go and accept that they are simply bedtime stories that have no relevance in real life?” Well, it’s because I do think they have relevance. Perhaps they are not entirely fantasy. Perhaps there is something more to them. Just as Aesop’s fables were meant to teach us something, perhaps fairytales are more of an allegory than a fantasy.

Am I the only one who finds it interesting that Snow White’s ultimate demise was taking a bite of a poison apple? Doesn’t that remind you of a story found in the third chapter of Genesis? Or how about Beauty and the Beast where the heroine couldn’t see that the Prince of her dreams was standing before her because he didn’t come in the form she had always imagined him to be? Doesn’t that make you think about a people who didn’t recognize their Messiah when He came to rescue them? And why does Prince Charming have to fight through a thicket of thorns in order to save the Princess? Could it be that this fictitious Prince is a reflection of the Prince who wore a crown of thorns on behalf of his beloved? I think there are too many coincidences to be accidental. And even if they were accidental, I think there is still so much we can learn from the fairytales. I think that if you look a little harder and dig a little deeper, you’ll find many hidden messages in places you never would have dreamed they would be.

I believe in finding God in the everyday ordinary – in butterflies and beaches, sand and storms, flowers and fairytales. Close your eyes, open your heart, and allow yourself to see the facts behind the fairytales.

You’re My Home

Beauty and the Beast is one of my favorite fairytales. I always loved the Disney cartoon, then I watched a local high school perform the Broadway version. Why couldn’t all the songs from Broadway have been incorporated into the cartoon? For nearly eighteen years of my life, I didn’t know what I was missing. Me!, No Matter What, Maison des Lunes… and I found myself particularly drawn to the song Home. (Maybe that stems from the fact that I’m a notorious homebody who doesn’t know why her dreams had to carry her 450 miles away from the place where she grew up.)

Here’s a story that takes a horrible situation and gives it a happy ending. This is a girl’s nightmare turned fairytale. It’s a twist in Belle’s perspective that makes this story spectacular. It’s her willingness to change her views that brings the happy ending. She could have spent the rest of her life “shut away from the world until who knows when,” but instead she chose to open herself up to this monster who held her captive. And in the end she discovered he wasn’t truly a monster at all. As the story reaches the climax and the Beast lies dying, Belle confesses the thing she has learned throughout her time of captivity with these words: “Don’t you know how you’ve changed me? Strange how I finally see… I’ve found home – you’re my home. Stay with me.”

I guess the Beast ended up being what Belle sang about in her first rendition of Home – where the heart is. I’ve found that to be the only way of coping with being so far away from my biological home. I simply focus my heart on where I am and who I’m with. Better yet, I’ve invited Jesus to be my Home. That way I never have to leave it.  Now if I stumble upon an enchanted castle in a deep woods, I won’t have to sing a song of mourning. My song will always be one of joy because I’ve been changed, and I’ve found home. God is my home, and He will forever stay with me.

Part of that World

Maybe it’s because I’ve been at the ocean for the past week, but lately, I’ve been having these Little Mermaid flashbacks. There’s something super mysterious about the sea. When I try to imagine what lies beneath the cresting waves, I get a headache. It’s that mind-boggling. That must be how the Little Mermaid felt about dry land. There was so much world waiting to be explored – so many things that needed to be discovered… And she discovered it, all right. According to Disney, she left everything, sacrificed her voice, and landed the prince. Life is good for the Little Mermaid, right? Not the way Hans Christian Andersen tells it. But since you can’t tell a little kid that the fairytale heroine sacrificed greatly, felt tremendous pain, and eventually died without ever achieving her intended goal, Disney decided to give “Ariel” a happy ending. And while I have a few things to say about Hans Christian Andersen’s version, I’ll save that for a later date. Today, we are talking about Ariel and the way she took the wrong approach to love.

Ariel pops up to the surface, takes a look around, and sees something she likes: Prince Eric. That, in itself, is not bad. The bad stuff happens when she starts obsessing over it. As Sebastian would say, “Ariel thinks the seaweed is greener in somebody else’s lake.” Her entire mind becomes wrapped around the fantasy of what it would be like to become a “part of that world.” Then she does the unthinkable. She contacts the sea witch, sacrifices her voice and risks everything for one chance at becoming “part of that world.” Luckily for her, it worked out in the end. Not only did she land the prince (pardon the pun), but she frees the merpeople from the influence of the evil sea witch by vanquishing her forever. But what if she hadn’t fared so well? What if her story had kept the ending of Hans Christian Andersen’s Little Mermaid? What would she have gained for all her sacrifice? Would the sacrifice have been worth it?

I can hear you now: “Heck no!” Why? Because the Little Mermaid had an entire ocean to explore. Surely she hadn’t ventured to every single corner of it, just as you and I have never covered every single square inch of the earth (and the ocean is twice as large as the land, just saying). The chances of her making a prince fall in love with her when she couldn’t even communicate the depths of her heart with him are slim to none. Had she failed, she probably would have spent the rest of her life thinking about how wrong she had been.

I feel like we are doing the same thing the Little Mermaid did. Here we are, swimming in the sea of singleness and not seeing how vast and beautiful it is. We are prematurely thrusting ourselves onto the shore of marriage and relationships. And we are more closely resembling the Hans Christian Andersen story than the Disney version we all long for. We deeply desire to become a “part of that world” when we were meant for the world we are swimming in here and now. Whether you were meant for the ocean or the shore is not for me to decide, but I want to leave you with this final question:

Is your final destination worth the sacrifice you are making? And would the pain be worth it if you didn’t get what you are seeking in the end?

Prince Charming: Fact or Fantasy?

Prince Charming. Does that name elicit a romantic sigh or a frustrated grunt from your throat? He’s so charming, so handsome, so perfect, so… not real. Am I right? While Prince Charming is a supremely romantic idea, he never turns out so well in real life. Remember that scene in A Cinderella Story where Hilary Duff tells Chad Michael Murray,

Waiting for you is like waiting for rain in this drought: useless and disappointing.

I think she basically summed it up perfectly. Do you ever feel like the wait is useless? Are you disappointed that your prince hasn’t come yet? Well, I wouldn’t hold my breath waiting for Chad Michael Murray because, unlike in the movie, he’s probably not going to come running after you. Of course, you already know that. After all, Prince Charming is a myth, right? He is nothing but a bedtime story designed to give little girls sweet dreams. In a way, he’s like Santa Claus – all fun and magical… until the day you find out he’s not real. I’ve heard that moment in a child’s life can be pretty devastating. (I can’t talk from personal experience here because my mom had been so disappointed to find out that her parents had lied to her that she never passed this tradition down to her kids.) Truth can be tragic at times.

I truly do believe that Prince Charming is a lot like Santa Claus – a blown-out-of-proportion-bedtime-story fantasy that was originally based on fact. St. Nicholas was real; Santa Claus is not. So what about Prince Charming? Who’s he supposed to be? Could such a magnificent man have ever existed? Continue reading

The Beginning of Beyond

“Hi, my name is Rebekah” (everybody say, “Hi, Rebekah!”) “and I am done with waiting.” Oh, the liberating feeling that comes with truly believing those words.  If you feel on the verge of giving up waiting yourself, I encourage you to go ahead and let go. This may seem to go against everything you’ve ever heard about the years leading up to marriage, but I honestly don’t believe we were meant to sit around and wait for Prince Charming. Find me a Bible verse that combats that belief, and I’ll consider changing my tune.

Wait. It’s such a negative word. I personally don’t find any joy when someone tells me, “It’s coming. Just wait.” Or how about those words that strike fear into the heart of any young child: “You just wait until your father gets home!” Do you really want to wait for Prince Charming? I came to realize that most young women who are still waiting for their prince to come tend to be pretty miserable. I determined to find out why. I figured that in order to find out why waiting makes a woman miserable, I had to figure out what waiting truly means. Turns out, I was right.

The word “wait” has several meanings actually. Observe: “Do nothing expecting something to happen, stop so somebody can catch up, to be hoping for something or on the lookout for something, to be delayed or ignored for now…” Need I go on? This didn’t paint a very pretty picture for me, and I’m willing to bet it didn’t exactly thrill you either. I want to do something with my life. I want to run toward the dreams I am dreaming. I want more in life than to stare out the window of some God-forsaken tower, praying my prince will come soon. I don’t like to be delayed and ignored. I want to live now.

You may think I sound like a spoiled little brat, but I think I’m onto something here. Allow me to share something that will shake your fairytale-founded foundations: your dreams were not meant for someone else to fulfill. There is a reason you were not born married. There is a purpose for your singleness here and now. And while many of us struggle with this idea (I know because I was there once), my prayer is that you will learn to truly embrace your singleness.

The way I understand it, my knight in shining armor is slaying dragons right now (at least, I certainly hope he is). When the day comes that I can finally call myself “his”, I want to have a better story to tell him than, “Oh, I’ve been waiting…”