Standard

Posted by

Posted on

11/15/2010

Posted under

Fairytale Fallacies

Comments

Leave a comment

Casually Breaking Your Heart

Casual dating. I think that’s the biggest oxymoron I’ve ever heard. How can something as serious as a romantic relationship ever be considered “casual?” And yet I hear the phrase tossed around all the time. “Well, yeah we’re dating, but it’s pretty casual. I dunno. We’ll see what happens.” Or, “Yeah, I don’t really like him, but he asked me out so, here we are.”

Don’t be deceived into thinking this is just a “Hollywood culture” mentality, either. It has infiltrated our churches. When I confided in a Christian friend that a guy friend of mine was trying to get me to go out with him, this is the opinion she shared with me: “Well, he sounds like a pretty sweet guy, and you seem to get along well with him. I don’t see any harm in two friends casually hanging out and maybe grabbing a cup of coffee.” Really? Well, then I think I’ll just wear a flashing, neon sign that reads: “Hey, I like you back, so keep pursuing me!” That might be a little more subtle.

For me to have gone on a “casual” date with this guy would have been wrong because he would have read much more into the situation than just “grabbing a cup of coffee” with a friend. The truth is, although I could have easily gone out with this guy and remained completely unaffected, I’m pretty certain that the mixed signals I would be sending him could be hazardous to his heart. What would my actions be insinuating to him about our relationship? Saying that you are “casually dating” someone is like saying you’re “just friends.” But friends don’t ask friends out unless they are hoping to be more than friends. Are you getting the picture? There is no such thing as casual dating because “casual” only exists on one side of the relationship.

When my friend’s girlfriend broke up with him, she confessed that she hadn’t known if she really liked him or not, so she figured dating him was the only way to find out. Then she got upset with him when he accused her of playing with his heart.

Personally, I think he had a right to be upset. You know, when a guy asks you out, it is okay to tell him, “I’ll think about it,” or better yet, “I’ll pray about it.” (After all, it’s always a good idea to invite God into the scenario right up front.) I can’t help but wonder how much heartache my friend could have been spared had this girl taken a moment to pray about their relationship and seek God’s will instead of just saying “yes” when he asked her out.

But oftentimes, we don’t pray about it. We simply do what our feelings are leading us to do and “follow our hearts.” Now, that’s probably some of the worst advice you ever received from Disney. Did you know that the Bible tells us that our hearts are deceitful and desperately wicked? Let’s face it, ladies – we’re selfish, and our hearts are only catering to our own needs.

So, as a girl who’s a friend of many a guy, I’m begging you, please be careful with the hearts of the men around you. Relationships are not a game. And there is nothing “casual” about breaking a man’s heart. Next time a guy asks you out, take a moment to pray and truly seek God’s will in the situation. If you’re not interested in pursuing the possibility of a permanent relationship with this man, say no. I’m sure the guy will agree with me when I say that temporarily hurting his feelings up front is preferable to crushing his heart a couple months down the road.

Standard

Posted by

Posted on

11/12/2010

Posted under

Sing-Along Scriptures

Comments

3 Comments

The Promise of His Presence

Today I have my head in the clouds. While reading through the Old Testament, I realized how often God appeared in the form of a cloud. In Exodus and Numbers alone, there are over forty references to the cloud of God’s Presence. I found that rather fascinating.

But of course, I’ve always been fascinated by puffy white clouds. I used to lay in my yard and watch them drift peaceably overhead. Perhaps the reason I find comfort in clouds is that God’s Presence still remains in them. Though the most mention you will find of clouds is in the earlier books of the Old Testament, there are still various references throughout the rest of the Bible. Psalm and Isaiah talk of how God rides on the clouds. In 2 Chronicles, the glory of the Lord once again filled the temple in the form of a cloud. A cloud contained the Voice that said, “This is my Son in whom I am well pleased,” at the moment of Jesus’ baptism. And we are told throughout the Gospels and in Revelation that Jesus will return on a cloud. Clouds are a daily reminder of His Presence in our world. Yet we so often fail to see God’s Presence in these familiar miracles.

In Genesis 9, God sends a rainbow as a promise to Noah that He will never again flood the whole earth. We remember the rainbow, but we miss three very important words quoted in that passage of scripture: “I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth.”

Perhaps in our fear of global floods, we missed the most important promise God provided on that day. Yes, He promised that He would never again flood the earth, but He also promised us His Presence. While the rainbow is an occasional reminder, the cloud is a constant reality. God’s Presence is right here in this moment.

When I look out the window, I can see Him hovering over the mountains, but more importantly, I’m reminded of the way He has enveloped my heart and promised His Presence to me.

Standard

Posted by

Posted on

11/10/2010

Posted under

Fairytale Fallacies

Comments

Leave a comment

What’s the Rush?

I want to know what the world has against being single. I honestly want to know why it seems like everywhere I turn, someone is encouraging me to get married. Why is it that people look at you as if you are somewhat less of a person because you don’t have a spouse? What’s wrong with being single? Why is there such a big push to get married? Don’t get me wrong. I definitely want to be married someday. I simply don’t understand why people act as if I have to get married right now.  

William Booth wrote: “Don’t instill, or allow anybody else to instill into the hearts of your girls the idea that marriage is the chief end of life. If you do, don’t be surprised if they get engaged to the first empty, useless fool they come across.”

William Booth died in 1912 and I guess his words died with him because this is exactly what I see in our society today. It would appear that people think the purpose of a single girl is to find a husband. The single girls feel this way because the rest of the world is all too eager to play the matchmaker. And because of this mentality that has been instilled in our hearts, we are settling far too easily.

I’ve seen many girls give their hearts away to “empty, useless fools.” Somehow, they don’t see that the man is, indeed, a fool. You know the old saying, “Love is blind”? I think the more proper wording would be “Desire is denial.” We’re willing to overlook serious character flaws simply because we so badly want something to work out. I think that accounts for the ridiculously high divorce rate in our country. Denial only lasts for so long. There comes a day when you tire of lying to yourself. And instead of living with their mistake, most people call it quits.

So ladies, don’t let anyone instill in your hearts that marriage is the chief end of life. This isn’t a race to marry before “so-and-so” does. There’s no rush to find Mr. Right. Our season of singleness is meant for so much more than finding a future husband. I’d love to be able to tell you what that purpose is, but the details are something only God knows. Your purpose will be different from mine. Our callings may vary greatly. But you are called to something in this moment. Right now. Please don’t miss that calling because you’re too busy looking for a guy. Mr. Right will come in God’s perfect timing. You must first fulfill the purpose God has for you right now.

Standard

Posted by

Posted on

11/08/2010

Posted under

Fairytale Fallacies

Comments

Leave a comment

You Don’t Marry A Calling

“Do you want to marry a pastor?”

Well, what was I supposed to say to the little missionary lady who smiled up at me so sweetly? I had a feeling she wouldn’t understand that not everyone wants the happy little love story God gave her. I’d like a happy little love story, all right. Just not hers. It’s not that I don’t want to marry a pastor. It’s just that a pastor isn’t the image I get in my mind when I picture my future husband and the ministry we do together. I feel that his ministry is going to be much more subtle. But maybe that’s just me.

I don’t feel called to be a pastor’s wife, but even if my future husband would be called to be a pastor, I would still be called to be his wife. The man. Not the pastor. So the answer is: no, I don’t want to marry a pastor; I just want to marry a man. After all, it’s the man I’ll be marrying. Not the calling. When the dream has died or the calling has been fulfilled, I’ll be left with the man. Not the pastor. It’s the man that I’ll love and live with and care for “until death do us part.” I doubt anyone who is married to a real estate agent puts a lot of thought into the fact that he was called to be a real estate agent. Same goes for the wife of a banker, contractor, or factory worker because when he comes home, he’s just a man and his job at home is to be a husband. So why is it so much different to be married to a pastor? Why is that portrayed as some noble calling? You don’t have to be a pastor to do ministry. God still uses the journalists and the businessmen and even the computer nerds. (I’m not sure how he uses the computer nerds, but I’m sure He can…)

The truth is, I don’t really care what my future husband does as long as it’s what God has called him to do and he’s passionate about it. I’m not going to marry a calling, but a man who is called. And if he happens to be called to be a pastor, so be it. But if I fell in love with the man, I’d even marry a computer nerd. (Just don’t tell that to the sweet missionary lady. She’s pretty set on the pastor idea…)

Standard

Posted by

Posted on

11/05/2010

Posted under

Fairytale Fallacies

Comments

10 Comments

Courting, Dating, or Single?

I’ve avoided reading the book I Kissed Dating Goodbye for years now. I finally broke down and picked it up, thinking I would suffer through it “for research purposes.” Why the negative attitude? I had previously been misinformed by several people who read it that the book was about courting.

Ugh. Courting is a serious turn-off word for me. I think I dislike courting for the same reason many people dislike Christianity. “Well, Christians say they are one thing, and then they turn around and live just like the rest of the world.” The few people who have described courting to me talked like dating was a huge sin, but when they actually told me what courting was, it sounded a whole lot like dating to me. When I pointed that out, I received responses like, “But with courting, you don’t go to any compromising places together,” or “No, because when you court someone, you are actually planning on marrying them.” Okay then, so you just explained to me the difference between dating and stupid dating. It’s the same thing. The only difference is the name you call it. At least, that’s how I see it. But if you have a better definition that can clear things up for me, please let me know, and I will gladly stand corrected.

I haven’t completely finished the book yet, but after reading eleven chapters and not finding anything but a brief reference to the dreaded “C” word, I think it’s safe to assume that the book is not about courting. And according to author Joshua Harris, it’s not even about dating; it’s about living a pure and purposeful singleness. Even if it’s just for a season.

Ironically, the book I’ve been avoiding for most of my teen years is the same book I’ve been searching for most of my teen years. It was like a breath of fresh air to read the writings of someone who actually feels the same way I do about relationships. It was refreshing to realize that the thoughts that caused me to write a book and start this blog are spinning in the hearts of others like me. So now that I’ve discovered that the book already exists, why am I still writing? Well, I guess it’s because there’s still so much to be learned about passionately pursuing God with your singleness. So I’ll keep embracing the moment, living the journey, and sharing my experiences along the way. Who knows? Perhaps my own dance with singleness will encourage you as much as Joshua Harris has encouraged me.

Standard

Posted by

Posted on

11/03/2010

Posted under

Live the Journey

Comments

2 Comments

Everything is Spiritual (including this post)

I’m one of those people who need a different notebook for everything. I remember going on vacation one time and having my dad stare at the bag of books I had packed as he asked, “Do you really need all of those?”

“Yup. This one’s my prayer journal, and this one’s where I write everything that happened in a day, and this one’s full of all the cool stuff I found in the Bible…” The list goes on. But until recently, I did not have a journal for just plain silliness. I realized this as I was in the middle of writing a prayer and had a thought that just didn’t seem to fit in the “prayer” genre. I discovered that I needed somewhere to put my whimsical thoughts of mushroom mist and gypsy dust and fantastical cities called Khassel. I needed a place to record important questions like, at what age does Peter Pan stop showing up at your window? Why do they call it an up-down when you actually look down then up? Why do I walk to the bathroom in the dark when there’s the slightest possibility John could have put an anvil in the middle of the floor? And what are my future grandchildren going to think when they read this stuff?

These are the questions that racked my brain when I was supposed to be praying. So I started a journal where I could record all these seemingly “unspiritual” things. Then I realized something… They are spiritual. Rob Bell wrote a book entitled Everything is Spiritual. I haven’t read it, but I love the title. (That’s why I stole it and used it as the title of my post.) And I know a pastor who once claimed, “Whether I’m at church for hours on end or I’m sitting on my front porch listening to Nat King Cole, it’s a God Moment.” And with those (surprisingly spiritual) thoughts running through my brain, I decided that my journal of silliness is, in fact, spiritual.

I think God likes it when we engage the random/silly side of our nature. He did give us a sense of humor on purpose, you know. And even though my journal appears to be full of just plain silliness, it truly is my way of fully engaging with God. It’s an expression of the joy in my heart as I fully enjoy the life He gave me.

So what spiritually silly things are stirring in your heart? Leave a fun comment and allow me to enjoy life with you.

Standard

Posted by

Posted on

11/01/2010

Posted under

Paradoxes and Mysteries

Comments

Leave a comment

Stories

In the words of one of my favorite authors: “I love how irreverent Jesus is in His stories. He compared Himself to a chicken, the coming of God’s Kingdom to a robber breaking into your house, God’s message of hope to an uncorked bottle of wine, and prayer to a nagging neighbor hungry for a sandwich at midnight. According to Jesus, we can learn about God’s Kingdom from eccentric landowners, dishonest managers, idiots who built condos on quicksand, demon-possessed do-gooders, a warm loaf of bread, a field full of weeds, and a little kid tugging at your pants leg asking you to come outside and play. The Kingdom of Heaven unfurled from His lips in story after story after story.”

On that note, let me tell you a story…

Her name was Lily and she was absolutely adorable. I sat, watching her play happily in the nursery. At one point, she leaned into a toy box to get something. As she leaned farther and farther in, it became apparent to me that she was going to crack her head on the table when she stood back up. I jumped to my feet, hoping to slide my hand into a position that would cushion the impact. “Lily, wait. Don’t stand up or you’ll get…”

CRACK!

“Hurt,” I winced, wishing I had moved more quickly. “Owie,” I said, placing my hand on her head. “Lily, honey, are you alright?”

At first I thought she would fall into my arms or maybe run to her mother for comfort. For a moment I even thought that she would brush it off like nothing had even happened. What I wasn’t expecting was the look of betrayal that crossed her face as she glared at me accusingly. One second of looking into those angry blue eyes was enough to tell me that she thought I was the source of her pain. Her nineteen-month-old brain couldn’t comprehend that her pain had been caused by her own mistake.

She screamed and ran to her grandma, and I briefly explained what had happened. At that moment, her father walked up, egging her on. “Aw,” he cooed. “What did that mean girl do to you? Did she hurt you? Rebekah’s so bad. Poor Lily.”

As she buried her face in her father’s shoulder, I stood in the nursery, hoping she would eventually forgive me for the pain I had tried to prevent.

I think it is somewhat humorous (albeit ironic) that we so often ignore God’s voice as He warns us to stop and then we blame Him for our pain. “Why did you let this happen?” we cry as if He had not tried to prevent it. And when we remember His words of warning, we act as though we never heard them as we cry to our friends, “I don’t know why this happened.”

Don’t you? Didn’t you hear His voice as He gently called, “My child, don’t do that. You’ll only get… Hurt.” But we bury ourselves in our pain and leave Him hoping we will turn back into His arms. We’re mad at Him for our own refusal to listen. ”Wait just a moment,” He warned. Had we obeyed, He would have softened the blow. But we didn’t listen. And now it hurts.

But maybe, for once, we should stop trying so hard to blame God and turn into His comforting embrace instead. Maybe it is time to fall into His loving arms and let Him chase away the tears as He whispers, “It is okay now, beloved. I’m here.” Maybe, just maybe, He should be the One we run to rather than the One from which we run. Maybe this time, we should give Him a chance to soothe away the pain we have inflicted upon ourselves.

Don’t run away. Fall into His arms today.

Standard

Posted by

Posted on

10/29/2010

Posted under

Paradoxes and Mysteries

Comments

Leave a comment

The Pattern of Our Lives

My dad is a carpenter by trade. As I grew up, I spent a considerable amount of time at some of his job sites watching him turn an empty room into a masterpiece. I remember one time he recruited Mom and I to help him with a huge tile job. I walked into a basement to find what was, without a doubt, the most unusual floor covering I had ever seen. There were seven different colors of eighteen-inch square tiles spread across the floor in no particular order. “There’s no pattern,” I observed, somewhat shocked.

That’s when my dad chuckled and informed me that I was staring at the most complex pattern he had ever created. When the owners of the house told him that they didn’t want a pattern, Dad had to carefully create a pattern that would give the appearance of no pattern. I don’t know about you, but I find it hard to wrap my mind around that concept. To the untrained eye, that basement appears to be a jumbled mess of color, but in the eyes of the master carpenter, it’s a carefully concocted design. I believe that’s the way God works in our lives.

To be perfectly honest, my life doesn’t make much sense to me. I don’t know why I was raised in the woods of Ohio with four siblings. I don’t know why I’m obsessed with names and their meanings, or why I think that life should be a musical. I’m not sure why I feel so compelled to write the thoughts that stir in my heart, and I certainly don’t know how all of those things tie together to make any sense at all. When I look at my life, I often see it like I saw that basement I helped Dad grout. It appears to be so random and sporadic that I can’t imagine there is any sort of pattern there at all. But there is a pattern, though it can only be seen by the Master Carpenter.

Check out these verses referring to God’s carefully concocted pattern for our lives:

“All the days ordained for me
       were written in your book
       before one of them came to be.” -Psalm 139:16

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,
       before you were born I set you apart;
       I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” -Jeremiah 1:5

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” -Jeremiah 29:11

These verses and others like them are a reminder that my life is an intricate pattern created by the hand of the Master Carpenter. The same hand that set the universe in motion carefully arranged every detail of my life. Though I cannot see the pattern with my untrained eyes, I trust that when the job is completed, the “tiles” of my life will rest in the exact place they were intended to go, and my life will be the masterpiece God purposed to design.

Standard

Posted by

Posted on

10/28/2010

Posted under

Embrace Truth

Comments

2 Comments

Gods and Goals

Lately, I’ve been in a bit of a rut. Sometimes in our walks with God, we start to feel as if we are running in place rather than moving along. I hate that feeling. So there I was, trying to get myself on the right track with God, when I stumbled upon a poem by author Steven James. In essence, this poem was a prayer that can be summarized in one sentence: “If goals can become gods, may You be the only goal I have.”

Maybe I struggle with this more than you do, but sometimes I let my dreams take over. Lately, I’ve been trying so hard to figure out where I’m supposed to go next that I forgot to sit down and soak in God’s Presence now. Somewhere along the lines, I got my priorities wrong. But in the moment I read that poem, I decided to set them straight.

“I choose You,” I whispered, echoing the prayer of Steven James. Then I turned on some music, basked in God’s Presence, and danced until my feet were on fire. It was one of the most beautiful nights I ever spent with my Savior.

So how about you? Where are you letting your goals and desires take first place in your life? What do you need to sacrifice in order to experience true intimacy with God? He’s waiting for you to choose your god today. I pray you choose to drop your idols and whisper those infinitely freeing words: “I choose You.”

Standard

Posted by

Posted on

10/24/2010

Posted under

Live the Journey

Comments

Leave a comment

They Lived

Yesterday, I had one of those days. You know, the kind of day where you fume about  stupid stuff and think things like, “I’m not going to get married for the next hundred bajillion years because I don’t even want to deal with this junk.” It took moving 450 miles away from home for me to realize that guy/girl friendships are difficult to come by. I don’t know if that fact makes me want to hug my old guy friends and apologize for all the years I’ve taken them for granted, or slap them in the face and yell at them for making me believe that our relationships were normal. I think what I felt yesterday was a combination of the two. I could have walked right up to one of them and shouted, “Thanks for being amazing, jerk.”

Well, I did what any girl would do in such a situation. I grabbed a bowl of chocolate ice cream and popped Ever After into the VCR. By the time it was over, I felt a whole lot better about the topic of men and marriage. What I love best about that particular version of Cinderella is that the characters have flaws. Prince Henry was selfish, arrogant, didn’t listen very well, and acted like a jerk when he learned the truth (to which he had previously refused to listen). And Danielle weaved a web of horrible lies then tried to keep the pretense going. What makes the story so enchanting is that they manage to overcome their flaws and find a happy ending. I’ve been told that chick-flicks are not good for a girl’s emotional health, but I needed that movie last night. I don’t think it’s bad to hold out for “Prince Henry” – as long as you’re willing to accept that he does have flaws.

The movie comes to a conclusion with this beautiful line: “And while Cinderella and her prince did live happily ever after, the point, gentlemen, is that they lived.” They lived. And while those words were said to convey the idea that Cinderella was more than just a folk tale, I think that line carries a much greater meaning. Take Prince Henry’s line, for example: “You swim alone, climb rocks, rescue servants… Is there anything you don’t do?”

The character of Danielle De Barbarac did not only live “happily ever after,” but “once upon a time.” She embraced the moments and lived the journey. She may be a fictional character, but she’s still a great reminder that we weren’t meant to live for the “happily ever after.” We were made for the “once upon a time.” “Happily ever after” means that the story is over. No more adventures. No more life. One day, I hope I’ll make it to “happily ever after,” but as for today, I simply want to live.