Before You Make Him Mine

It has been over ten months since I’ve prayed a heartfelt, in-depth prayer for my future husband. That may seem crazy to you as it does seem to go against every book you’ll find on waiting for Prince Charming. I thought I was crazy myself, at first. But it can’t be any more crazy than how crazy I felt back when I was faithfully praying for my knight in shining armor. I didn’t stop praying because I got the impression that the man I will one day marry is above falling, but because I know how prone I am to fall myself. When I was consistently praying for my future husband, I was constantly thinking about him. And because I thought of him so often, I got to a point where I wasn’t content with living without him. That’s why I dropped the specific prayers. That’s why I shredded the list of things I wanted in a husband. Maybe it’s the novelist in me, but when I write a guy out on paper, he becomes real and eventually becomes all I think about. But he shouldn’t be all I think about during this stage of my life.Β  That’s why when it comes to this delicate subject of waiting, I decided to, well, stop waiting. If I’m going to live in this moment here and now, I can’t be dwelling on a future with him.

I told my mom that she is simply going to have to pray twice as hard because I can’t offer those deep, intercessory prayers that I’ve been advised to pray. I find them to be detrimental to my emotional health. Yes, I have those moments like the one I had ten months ago. Sometimes I get the compelling urge to pour my heart out in prayer for this man I have yet to know. I don’t ignore those urges. In those types of moments, I pray long and hard. But as far as the daily moments when I find my mind turning to thoughts of Prince Charming, I offer this simple prayer: “God, make him the man You want him to be before You make him mine.”

That’s it. I think it pretty much covers all of the basics. God knows the heart behind that simple prayer. He knows what it truly means. He knows that it is so much more than that simple statement. He knows that, truly, it’s a repeat of the much longer, specific prayer I prayed ten months ago. When I whisper that one simple line, I believe God hears the 28 other lines I had penned leading up to that closing statement. And because I know He hears the words I choose to leave unspoken, the thought of “happily ever after” drifts from my mind as quickly as it came and I am free to embrace the moment that has been handed to me here and now.

This is how I’ve been able to dance through the moments of my life as a single girl. It works for me. And it may work for you. Then again, it may not. After all, dreaming up a list of who I thought my future husband should be certainly didn’t work for me. But if you’re really struggling with the fantasy playing on repeat in your mind, I’d encourage you to give it a try. Shred your list, quiet your mind, and whisper these words:

“God, make him the man You want him to be before You make him mine.”

6 thoughts on “Before You Make Him Mine

  1. I know exactly what you mean … I have done the same thing and realized that no one could live up to the person i was creating in my mind… it is better to be open.
    Love the new prayer.

  2. Have been praying a prayer about a man that I am already aware of and I did not want to put my life in park cause I was hurt so much by so many men and he has had two failed marriages and one bad relationship that just ripped his heart apart and now he is scared to ever love agagin and said he was giving up on love but he likes me but don’t want to hurt me how do you deal with that…I have been praying for him perfectively and he says he values my friendship and he want us to always be friends and if his heart was right he told me he knows it would be me but he’s not ready now so do I keep praying that one day it may be me or what.

    • Wow, that’s a really difficult question to answer. I can definitely see how it would be hard for this guy to open his heart and love again. It’s going to have to be an intentional effort on his part. I wish I could give you an easy answer on what to do in the meantime, but I guess all that you can do is keep praying for him. The choice you have to make is whether or not he’s worth waiting for. That’s not something anyone else can decide for you.

  3. Pingback: Sacrifices and Dreams « Beyond Waiting
  4. Yes I continuelly pray for my friend persistenly and effectively on a daily basis but faith without work is dead so I send him flowers and cards too and small gifts to let him know that he can be loved again and that its still good women out here in the world…so do you think its being a little to forward sending the cards although it puts a smile on his face and he loves to text me everyday instead of picking up a phone but he will and when he’s around me he spends four to five hours at a time now if it wasn’t something there i just don’t see a man putting that kind of energery into someone if he say’s his heart is broken.

    • Well, I’m no expert, and I don’t claim to have all the answers. It seems to me that you’ve made your feelings very clear. So unless the guy is completely clueless (unlikely), he knows that you like him. And if you guys spend that much time together he clearly has some sort of interest in you. Of course, the question here is whether it goes beyond friendship or not. My guess, just from the few things you’ve told me, is that he’s not entirely ready yet. For example, I have a couple guy friends with whom I spend quite a bit of time. I love the time I spend with them and I truly value their friendship. But when one of them stepped across the friendship line several months ago, I freaked. It’s not that there’s anything wrong with the guy (clearly, since I spend so much time with him), but I’m simply not ready for a romantic relationship at this time. So, perhaps your friendship with this guy will eventually develop into something more, but it’s really hard to force the issue with someone who isn’t ready. I think he’s going to have to make a move in his own time, in his own way. Until then, all I can suggest is that you keep being his friend and cherishing the relationship you already have. I know that’s probably not what you wanted to hear, but it’s all I’ve got to say. I’m praying for you, Tina.

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