“What do you mean that doesn’t count?” I wondered when my coworker questioned me about my best friends. If my most trusted confidant couldn’t be my mother, then I had never had a best friend at all…
Now, I realize that the relationship I share with my mom is unusual. I wish I could give you a step-by-step plan of how to get there, but I honestly couldn’t tell you how my relationship with my Mom developed to this level. All I know is that I’m living proof that it is possible for mothers and daughters to be best friends.
The best thing about having my mom for a best friend is that she knows where I”m coming from. There’s no unshared history, no background barriers, and no differing theologies because Mom knows all of my stories and helped shape my theology. She’s the only person who fully “gets” me because I am who she raised me to become.
The biggest problem with having my mom be my best friend is that she’s irreplaceable. Once I moved 450 miles from home, I realized that I would never share that close relationship with anyone else. Fortunately, we can still call and email, but there’s simply nothing like having your best friend in the next room when you need her.
Most moms and daughters aren’t best friends, and sadly, most of them probably never will be. But I firmly believe that all moms and daughters should at least be close friends. You may relate with your mom differently than you do your peers, but that doesn’t mean you can’t relate with her as much. You need to find your common ground – that place where you can relate. Start by learning each others’ likes and dislikes as you carry on conversations like a couple of friends. This doesn’t mean that you have to agree on everything. In fact, I’m willing to bet that you don’t have one single friend with whom every opinion is identical. Just like with peer friends, there are some things you will have to agree to disagree on when relating to your mother.
A friendship with your mom is supposed to differ from all your other friendships. (Of course you don’t want your mom to dress and act like a teenager; she’s a mom!) But different is not always bad, and a close relationship with one’s mother is something to be treasured. Your mom can be your most trusted confidant, if only you will let her. So why not take some time to develop that relationship? After all, who better to confide the deepest longings of your heart with than the woman you have known all of your life?
How do you relate with your mom? Leave a comment and let me know how the two of you connect.