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10/23/2010

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Before You Make Him Mine

It has been over ten months since I’ve prayed a heartfelt, in-depth prayer for my future husband. That may seem crazy to you as it does seem to go against every book you’ll find on waiting for Prince Charming. I thought I was crazy myself, at first. But it can’t be any more crazy than how crazy I felt back when I was faithfully praying for my knight in shining armor. I didn’t stop praying because I got the impression that the man I will one day marry is above falling, but because I know how prone I am to fall myself. When I was consistently praying for my future husband, I was constantly thinking about him. And because I thought of him so often, I got to a point where I wasn’t content with living without him. That’s why I dropped the specific prayers. That’s why I shredded the list of things I wanted in a husband. Maybe it’s the novelist in me, but when I write a guy out on paper, he becomes real and eventually becomes all I think about. But he shouldn’t be all I think about during this stage of my life.  That’s why when it comes to this delicate subject of waiting, I decided to, well, stop waiting. If I’m going to live in this moment here and now, I can’t be dwelling on a future with him.

I told my mom that she is simply going to have to pray twice as hard because I can’t offer those deep, intercessory prayers that I’ve been advised to pray. I find them to be detrimental to my emotional health. Yes, I have those moments like the one I had ten months ago. Sometimes I get the compelling urge to pour my heart out in prayer for this man I have yet to know. I don’t ignore those urges. In those types of moments, I pray long and hard. But as far as the daily moments when I find my mind turning to thoughts of Prince Charming, I offer this simple prayer: “God, make him the man You want him to be before You make him mine.”

That’s it. I think it pretty much covers all of the basics. God knows the heart behind that simple prayer. He knows what it truly means. He knows that it is so much more than that simple statement. He knows that, truly, it’s a repeat of the much longer, specific prayer I prayed ten months ago. When I whisper that one simple line, I believe God hears the 28 other lines I had penned leading up to that closing statement. And because I know He hears the words I choose to leave unspoken, the thought of “happily ever after” drifts from my mind as quickly as it came and I am free to embrace the moment that has been handed to me here and now.

This is how I’ve been able to dance through the moments of my life as a single girl. It works for me. And it may work for you. Then again, it may not. After all, dreaming up a list of who I thought my future husband should be certainly didn’t work for me. But if you’re really struggling with the fantasy playing on repeat in your mind, I’d encourage you to give it a try. Shred your list, quiet your mind, and whisper these words:

“God, make him the man You want him to be before You make him mine.”

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10/21/2010

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And God Saw That It Was Good. Period.

I was babysitting a six-year-old girl one day and she told me that we were going to play make-believe. “I get to be the princess,” she declared, “because I have blond hair.” I’m sorry, what? Where did that come from? I figure she adopted her narrow-minded view of hair color from Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Barbie, and the like.

What kind of world do we live in to think that a girl becomes a princess based on the color of her hair? It makes me wonder where our culture’s standard of beauty comes from. The thing I find most interesting is how quickly it changes. Way back in the day, women hid themselves away from the sun in attempt to maintain their fair complexion. Today, you can get laughed at for being “too white.”

What sort of people are we that we could condense beauty to a hair color, skin complexion, or pant size? Where do we get the idea that we have the right to declare a portion of God’s creation as better than the rest? The Bible says that God created everything and saw that it was good. What it does not say is, “God created a size fourteen, average looking woman with brown hair and dull brown eyes, and said that it was good. Then he created a size zero, stunningly attractive blond with sparkling blue eyes and said that she was better.” Go ahead and search your Bible from cover to cover. You won’t find it in there. There is no better or best. God saw that it was good. Period.

I don’t know who the first woman to buy into the comparison game was, but it has been haunting women of every generation for hundreds and thousands of years. We start to think things like, “I wish I had her eyes, her hair, and her smile,” and, “Maybe if I had a figure like so-and-so’s… Yeah, I think I would look better if I just lost ten more pounds.”

I once heard someone say that if you are going to compare yourself to someone, you should compare yourself to your cousins, as they are the people you are genetically programmed to look more like. I think the point they were trying to make is that you shouldn’t obsess over looking like digitally tweaked models in magazines, but what this person failed to consider is that someone has to be the cousin of the models in those magazines. Take it from the girl whose cousins look like they could be the models in those magazines: Comparing yourself to anyone (even/especially family members) is a bad idea.

The point is, God created you and He said that you look good. Period. You are His carefully crafted masterpiece, and He thinks that you’re breathtakingly gorgeous. It doesn’t matter that you think your nose is a little too pointed and your butt is a little too large. When God looks at you, He sees perfection. He sees all the concentration He put into forming you. He sees the divine purpose for which He created you.

Psalm 45:11 tells us, “The king is enthralled by your beauty: honor him, for he is your lord.” In other words, God thinks you’re gorgeous. Stop saying that the way God formed you isn’t good enough because it is more than good enough. This is the God who created the sun and the moon and the trees and the clouds. Everything He makes is perfect – without flaw. Just like Song of Solomon 4:7 where He declares, “All beautiful you are, my darling, there is no flaw in you.” God made you beautiful. Period. No amount of any culture’s lies can change the fact that you are His creation. God delights in you just the way you are. No if’s, and’s, or but’s. When insecurities threaten to resurface, just remember that God looked down from on high and saw that you look good. Period.  

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10/19/2010

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Ask Me About SAM

The ministry I work with designed these buttons as a conversation starter that would help us encourage people to “Sponsor a Missionary,” but today I sported this button for an entirely different reason. I wore it to remind myself to pray for a young man named Sam.

You see, Sam went rock-climbing with his sister yesterday and fell forty feet into shallow water. He tumbled over the rocks before bouncing off his kayak into the water. Had he not been slowed down by the kayak, he almost certainly would have died when he collided with the razor-sharp rocks hidden under the surface of the river. Right now, Sam is in the hospital with several stitches, staples, bruises, and broken bones. Today, he underwent several x-rays to see just how bad his internal damage is. It will be a long road to recovery, but he is, by the grace of God, alive.

So today, if you ask me about Sam, I’ll tell you that Sam is a miraculous reminder of God’s goodness and grace. According to the rescue squad, he should have died. Had that kayak been floating just a foot away from where he landed, Sam would have died. Had God’s hand been anywhere other than that exact location, Sam never would have awakened to his sister’s desperate cries. To me, Sam serves as a chilling reminder of how fragile life truly is. The words of my friend echo in my mind: “I saw him the night before this happened. We were being all sarcastic and joking like always. To realize it might have been our last time together… It just makes you think.”

The thing that strikes me is that this isn’t the first time I’ve seen God miraculously intervene in an impossible situation. I’ve actually looked into the eyes of a person who shouldn’t be alive. Instead of attending the funeral that was almost certain, I wrapped my arms around a guy who nursed a broken arm and a road-burned shoulder. And I forgot. I forgot how easily life fades away. I forgot what a miracle it is to simply breathe. I forgot that at any given moment, I could lose someone I greatly cherish.

Suddenly, I find myself being reminded. Today, as I wear my button, pray for Sam and thank God for sparing his life, I’m reminded to thank Him for the times that my brothers cracked their heads open, or fell out of trees, or had a zipline snap while they were riding it and yet walked away with no serious repercussions. I’m reminded to thank Him that my face carries no scars from the time I spilled a bowl of hot grease on it when I was only two years old. I’m reminded to thank Him for sparing me from the many tragedies of which I will never even be aware. Today, I thank God for the numerous times His hand has been there to save me from harm. Today, I thank God for the miracle of life.

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10/18/2010

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Paradoxes and Mysteries

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Significance

I just returned from the top of the world. Okay, so it wasn’t the very top. In fact, it wasn’t even close. My brother who lives in the Himalayan Mountains tells me that the Blue Ridge Mountains are “just hills.” If that’s a fact, I don’t think I could handle the view he sees every day, because as far as I’m concerned, there is nothing more breathtaking than the Blue Ridge Mountains in October. I think the words of my friend and coworker summed it up quite perfectly: “How can anyone think there is not a God?”

How can anyone possibly look out over the splendor of creation and think that this world “just happened”? Jesus said that if we failed to praise Him, the rocks would cry out. I think they are already crying out. Those enormous chunks of granite were screaming at me this weekend. Most days, I fail to notice the glory of God’s creation, but looking out over the world from the peak of a mountain, I couldn’t help but find myself struggling for breath. It was truly that amazing. I think I know how David felt when he penned the words,

When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, the moon and the stars, which You have set in place, what is man that You are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?

That’s how small I felt. I’m just a tiny piece of a colossal universe. So insignificant. And yet so loved by God. He’s so concerned about my quickly passing life that He counted the number of hairs on my head. And He keeps track of the ones that I shed, and the new ones that keep growing. So insignificant. Yet, oh so important to Him. He sees the leaves that fall from the trees every autumn, and the tiny buds that bloom every spring. He catches shooting stars in the palm of His hand, and breathes the wind into motion. The ocean echoes the beating of His heart as the waves rush in and out, in and out. He controls the big things, and still finds time for the small, seemingly insignificant things like me. That just blows my mind.

I don’t understand it. I won’t try to understand it because I’ll only end up with a splitting headache. In a world of sunshine and mountains, oceans and planets – a world where more than six billion people live and breathe, God still cares about the itty-bitty details concerning my life. What is man that God is mindful of us? I wonder if David ever received an answer to that question.

Once upon a time, God said, “Let us make man in our image.” And that is where our story began. God wrote our story, and He became a part of our story. In a world so big, He is still concerned about us. He is still actively involved in our stories. And when I stand on top of a mountain, looking down at my world, I feel so very small, and yet so very big all at the same time. Because no matter how insignificant my life may seem, God is mindful of me. And that gives my life great significance.

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10/14/2010

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The Whirlpool and the Eagle

I was reading through 2 Samuel the other day when I stumbled upon something pretty amazing. I found that the passage looked strangely familiar. I started to speculate that David wrote two Psalms that are nearly identical. Then I flipped through a few more chapters in my Bible and realized that they were identical. The words recorded in 2 Samuel 22 are the same words that are penned in Psalm 18. I didn’t realize that until just the other day.

God wouldn’t put something in the Bible twice for no reason, so I think it’s safe to assume that this is a picture He really wants us to understand. Maybe you should read it for yourself because you might see something other than what I do, but for me, all I see when I read this chapter is an eagle.

One time, when I was walking through a really difficult circumstance in my life, I had this reoccurring vision (that felt like a nightmare when I was wide awake) about a whirlpool and an eagle. I was drowning in the whirlpool, but trying to grab hold of this eagle that was soaring above the waves. The vision made absolutely no sense… until I stumbled upon Psalm 18. This particular Psalm talks about God being a refuge when the floods of destruction are sweeping over you. As I read this Psalm, I remembered my whirlpool, then I read the words, “he soared on the wings of the wind.” I don’t know that I’ve ever had a passage of Scripture take my breath away like that verse did.  The eagle in the vision that I kept reaching out for was Jesus. That one passage of Scripture that is repeated twice in the Bible told me the end of my vision:

“He reached down from on high and took hold of me;
       he drew me out of deep waters.” -Psalm 18:16

And suddenly there was a safety from the storm that was raging around me. I suddenly felt myself being lifted from this pit of despair. I found freedom in that verse.

God wrote it twice because He wanted His children to see it. He wrote it twice so that I’m twice as likely to be reminded. He wrote it twice so that I’m half as likely to forget. What is He saying twice to you?

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10/11/2010

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Mountain-Sized Enthusiasm

Yesterday, I went on a little adventure with my friend, Shannon. It wasn’t one of those things I would normally consider to be an adventure, but with Shannon, everything is an adventure. So there we were, sitting in a bagel shop, when she finds out I had never been there before. “Girl,” she exclaimed, “I just love that I get to be part of all these firsts with you! Like the downtown mall, the Mellow Mushroom, and now this.”

I blinked. We were eating bagels and she managed to make it sound like we were climbing Mt. Everest. I quickly found her mountain-sized enthusiasm stirring my own. Believe it or not, I’m not naturally one of those excitable kind of people. I’m often hard to impress, and I don’t enjoy exploring new things. That kind of goes against everything I’ve been saying, doesn’t it? But it’s true. While my brother inherited my dad’s “happy feet,” I tend to cling to my grandma’s mentality of not wanting to leave home.  

I remember how, shortly after I moved down here, my coworkers kept encouraging me to “explore the territory” and drive around town “just for fun.” I remember having two distinct thoughts about that.

  1. I don’t think it’s wise for a young woman to wander around such a busy town all by herself. 
  2. That’s not fun; that’s torture.

That’s how little I enjoy “adventure.”

But then I go places with people like Shannon and I see the world through different eyes.  As I was sitting in that bagel shop with my oh so excitable friend, I realized something… When I’m with Shannon, the mundane things become exciting and the small things appear to be colossal. I live the journey so much better when I’m living it with her. But I want to live like that all the time. I want to be the kind of person who makes an adventure out of mall trips, and pizza places, and bagel shops.

And while Shannon’s mountain-sized enthusiasm seems impossible for me to achieve, I’ll start with a hill – a little mound really. And maybe if I pray hard enough, live loud enough, and truly rejoice in the little things, my mound will become a mountain. I’ll just take it like I have to take everything else in life – one little step, one gloriously mundane moment at a time.

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10/09/2010

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Picture to Burn

If you browse through your local radio stations, you’ll probably hear a lot of songs about breaking up. It would seem that a lot of artists enjoy singing about sweet revenge. To be perfectly honest, I’ve caught myself laughing at some of the lyrics… but only because I’ve never even considered doing such things. “I pray your brakes go out going down a hill”? Really? Or how about Carrie Underwood’s song about completely trashing her ex’s car?

I’m convinced that love – true love – cannot turn to hatred so quickly. I’m not sure what sort of relationships these artists had with the people they sing about, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t based on God’s definition of love. Take a look at 1 Corinthians 13 and I’m certain you’ll agree with me. To be perfectly honest, I’ve never understood the concept of burning pictures… Except maybe this kind:

The other night, I watched A Snoodle’s Tale. If you’ve never seen that episode of Veggietales, I would encourage you to look it up. It’s a must see – even if you don’t like Veggietales. It’s the story of a little Snoodle who is told time and time again, “You’re puny, you’re silly, you’re not all that smart, you can’t use your wings and you’re no good at art!” With every lie he is told, a picture is stuffed into the pack he carries on his back. Eventually, the small, dejected Snoodle leaves town, escaping to the top of Mount Ginches where he thinks he will be alone with his thoughts and the finches. He comes to find that he is, in fact, not alone. A Man lives there on top of Mount Ginches. The exchange that happens between the Man and the Snoodle is something that I find to be infinitely freeing, but here’s what jumped out at me the other night:

Then picture by picture, He unpacked the bag that bent the poor Snoodle and made his wings sag. “Dear boy,” said the Man, “these look nothing like you.” Then into the fire, the pictures He threw. He rose from His chair saying, “Wait there, you’ll see that what you need most is a picture from me.”

So many people have clung to the lies that have been spoken over them. With every bitter word, the venom of the enemy seeps deep into our souls. I think all of us have certain lies ringing in our ears. Today, God wants you to be set free from the lies that bind you. Today, I want to help you burn your pictures and let God paint a new one.

Today you need to know that you are a beautiful masterpiece created by God Most High. You are a unique individual, handcrafted by the Master Carpenter; there has never been (and never will be) anyone exactly like you. You are loved by the Inventor of love itself. You are the chosen of Jehovah, a child of the King. You are uniquely gifted for a special purpose that only you can fulfill. The world would be lacking something without you. The Creator of the universe has sought you out and called you His beloved. He finds you worthy of His love, deserving of His devotion. He would willingly die for you. He did willingly die for you. You have value. You have purpose. You have a God who loves you more than life – a God who has a great and glorious plan for your life. You have oh so much to look forward to. The Most High God finds joy in you. You are His delight – the apple of His eye. You are so much more than you believe yourself to be. So dream big and aim high, and know that you know that you know, you are the beloved of God. And today He wants to burn your pictures and paint something beautiful on the fresh canvas of your mind. He has given you wings not just to fly, but to soar with the eagles and flit about with the finches. So leave the lies you’ve believed in the ashes, and fly away on new wings.

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10/08/2010

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The Breaking

The day I received my brand new Bible, I flipped the pages open to Genesis 6 so I could underline a passage that I remembered as the first passage I had ever read from the NLT translation: “The Lord observed the extent of human wickedness on the earth, and he saw that everything they thought or imagined was consistently and totally evil. So the Lord was sorry he had ever made them and put them on the earth. It broke his heart.” (Genesis 6:5-6)

Now that may sound like a strange verse to want to underline, but I guess I’m just fascinated by the idea that we are capable of breaking God’s heart. I hadn’t really thought about it until I read this interesting fantasy series about a world that had been created alongside earth, but didn’t fall in Adam and Eve’s rebellion. One conversation between two characters  really resonated in my heart. This wise dwarf is explaining the fall of man to the newly crowned king. The young king wants to know if Adam and Eve’s sin is what broke the Most High’s heart. “Nay,” the wizened, old dwarf replies, “this is what started the breaking.”

This is what started the breaking – meaning God’s tender, fragile heart has suffered more than once. Meaning His heart has been broken repeatedly since that moment. Meaning I’m guilty for some of the pain experienced by the Most High.

I think that if we are going to experience a loving, intimate relationship with God, we have to realize that we are capable of breaking His heart – just as we are capable of breaking the heart of a human being. No, God is not human, but since we were made in His image, we humans possess many of His qualities – such as a heart that feels both joy and pain.

Think about this: your heart can only be broken by someone you’ve entrusted with it. God has entrusted you with His heart. He has given you the ability to hurt Him because He thinks you are worth the risk. If that doesn’t move you, I don’t know what will. The thing that breaks my heart is that I know I am the person described in Genesis 6:5. I know I’ve thought and done some things that are consistently and totally evil. In reflection of all this, I wrote this poem:

One single tree, one simple command;

they acted like they didn’t hear it.

One bite of the fruit was a knife in your soul

and already, they knew they were drifting.

So this is what broke the Most High’s heart?

Nay, only what started the breaking.

Every day it is broken again

as Your Word remains ignored.

To say that I’m sorry seems insufficient

when I know that I’ll fail You again.

I’m tired of hurting You, of hurting myself.

When will there be an end to

The Breaking?

 

From the Breaking of Your heart to the Breaking of my chains.

Set me free from this trap I’ve fallen into.

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10/06/2010

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The Best Year of Your Life

I had an interesting conversation with a coworker the other day. It was one of those conversations that left me thinking, then praying, then writing, and now blogging. He asked me this question: “If you could relive one year of your life – not to change anything, but simply to relive it – what year would it be?” Now, my initial thought was, “What’s the point? I’ve already lived that year once, so why would I want to return to something so familiar? What would be the fun of that?”

What left me pondering this thought long after I had gone home from work was the fact that I didn’t have an answer. Every year of my life has been filled with ups and down, joys and pains. How could I choose one that stood above the rest? The only answer I could offer my coworker was, “Well, I know which year I wouldn’t choose.” But now I’m not so sure. As I laid awake in bed thinking of that year I have long considered to be the worst year of my life, I began to think that maybe it wouldn’t be so terrible to return to it. In fact, if I could go back with renewed vision – if I were able to take with me the perspective I have now – that would probably be the year I would choose.

I learned so much in that year. I learned how to stand in the midst of a storm while the wind and waves pressed against me and the sands shifted beneath my feet. I discovered how to love through the course of that nightmare – unconditionally, that is – because up until that year, no one had presented any conditions that I was required to love around. I learned how to fully trust the God who creates the light at the end of the tunnel, because throughout that year, I knew nothing but darkness. And if I could go back with the perspective I have now, I might be able to see the things that I missed. Perhaps my worst year would become my best year, but I guess we will never know.

The only thing I am left absolutely certain of is this: I don’t want to live my life stuck in the past, savoring the moment. I don’t want to get so caught up in a memory that I miss what is happening here and now. It’s like the old proverb says,

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery; but today is a gift. That’s why it’s called the present.

So here’s my answer to my coworker’s silly question: This year, 2010, is the year I want to relive. And next year it will be 2011. And the year after that, 2012. My lesson learned (and encouragement to you) is this: Don’t walk around yearning to relive the best year of your life, but strive to make every year a year worth reliving.

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10/05/2010

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Just to Make You Smile

There’s a Bible on my bed. No, that isn’t unusual, but it is no less extraordinary. Sometimes it’s the little things in life that make me smile most.

It all began when I was reading my other Bible one morning. I began to think I’d like to read a different translation – just to get a fresh perspective on the stories I know so well. Sometimes a little change in wording is all it takes to make something come alive to me.

“Maybe I’ll ask Grandma for an NLT Bible for Christmas,” I thought to myself. (I had heard that translation is pretty similar to the original Greek, and I had also heard a few people quote it.) That very day, I received an email from a coworker saying someone wanted to donate new Bibles to the staff. I was dumbfounded. “Wow, God, that was fast.”

I was reminded once again of the joy God finds in making me smile. I guess we’re similar in that manner. I love making people smile. My youth pastor really liked no-bake cookies, so sometimes, on his birthday or Pastor Appreciation Month or one of those “just because” days, I would bring cookies to youth group with me. Just to make him smile. I think we all tend to do those kind of things for people we love. And since God loves you, He wants to make you smile. Your joy is His joy; your delight is His delight. So He sends things like butterflies and rainbows, hot chocolate on snowy days, and faithful friends on “blah” days. Just to make you smile.

So today I accepted my gift with a smile as I thumbed through the pages to get a feel for this precious book. And now, there’s a Bible on my bed. It even has my name stamped on the cover… Just to make me smile.