Category Archives: Fairytale Fallacies

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04/16/2012

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Book News, Fairytale Fallacies

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Moving Beyond Waiting {A Guest Post}

I won’t be writing an article here on Beyond Waiting today because Love and Grace Media has been kind enough to let me share my story on their site this morning. (Thanks, Love and Grace!)

It all began with a single conversation. Just two girls talking about the unwanted absence of Mr. Right. It was one of those typical conversations where the one girl laments to the other girl that she’s tired of waiting. This forced the other girl to wonder, “What does it actually mean to wait?”

So I (who have, until this moment, been referring to myself in third person) went home and looked it up, thinking there was something we single women were missing, knowing there must be more to the waiting dilemma. Well, Google both did and did not answer my question. What it did not tell me was a great definition for the word “wait.” Quite the contrary, actually.  It seems that waiting, by definition, is just as discouraging as my friend expressed it to be.

Want to hear the rest of the story? Hop on over to Love and Grace Media and check it out!

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03/30/2012

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Fairytale Fallacies

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Putting Myself In Position

I had some good friends move to Sweden at the beginning of this week, so naturally, I’ve been exposed to a lot of depressing status updates about moving and goodbyes. But Wednesday, I finally saw a status from this friend that made me laugh rather than want to cry:

“I’d definitely be lying if I said Stockholm wasn’t crawling with cute boys…”

I know what you’re thinking, and I, too, have heard that the weather in Sweden in really nice this time of year… but before you pack your bags and jump on the next available flight, humor me for a second and ask yourself why you’re even contemplating moving halfway across the globe.

Why do we think we have to put ourselves in a position that will get us noticed? A place where we can’t be missed? Why do we feel the need to throw our entire heart and soul into finding that one, special person?

I know that the guy you are going to live out the rest of your life alongside is kind of a big deal, so I understand the anxiety; I’ve experienced it myself. It’s hard to live your life trusting that God is going to take care of everything in due time. So we take fate into our own hands and try to arrange a divine connection. And God sits in heaven laughing at our silly game of make-believe.

Because as much as we want to be God, we aren’t. And as much as we want to force things, we can’t.

It’s normal to want to find Mr. Right (even to the point of obsession, sadly), therefore it’s normal to want to put yourself in a position that might arrange a chance meeting between you and your future husband, but we can’t let that become the focus of our lives. We can’t let our desire for marriage be the force that drives us.

If I’m going to put myself in any kind of position, I want it to be the position of obedience. If I’m going to move halfway around the world, I’m going to do it because God called me there; not because it’s a great place to meet guys. (Which I guess I sort of did since my call to missions led me 450 miles from the middle-of-nowhere-Ohio to a thriving, college town. I didn’t do it on purpose – honest!)

There will always be that place in your heart that desires to be filled by a guy, but more importantly, there will always be a call on your life that yearns to be fulfilled by the One who shapes dreams into reality. And that, my friend, is something is something you can’t afford to miss.

THINK ABOUT IT: What position have you been putting yourself in lately? The position that gets you noticed by man, or the position that makes God beam with pride?

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02/21/2012

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Two Dreams; One Life

“If there’s one thing I’ve always believed, it’s that you can’t let a relationship get in the way of your dreams.”

“But what if you have two dreams, and they both happen to be right in the same place at the same time?”

“Well, then I’d say you are a seriously lucky guy.”

So, I knew that I was enjoying Kate Brian’s modern-day telling of The Princess and The Pauper, but that scene made the book for me. Finally, a novel that puts romance where it’s supposed to be. She’s right, you know. It’s always a bad idea to let a relationship get in the way of your dreams. What I’m waiting for (and what I would encourage you to wait for) is the day that my two dreams just happen to be in the same place at the same time.

You see, you only have one life to live, but if you’re anything like me, you probably have more than one dream in that pretty, little head of yours. And it’s hard ~ it’s so, incredibly hard ~ to figure out which one you want to spend your life pursuing. But the thing is… it is possible to accomplish more than one dream, if you go about it the right way. Which leads us back to that “which-dream-do-I-want-to-chase-first” dilemma.

Here’s my opinion: Not Prince Charming.

Wait, wait, wait. Don’t get all discouraged and click that little red “x” in the corner of your screen. I’m merely trying to say that the marriage dream is a little harder to force. In fact, forcing that dream is a really bad idea, as it generally only leads to heartache. As much as we hate to admit it, we have no control over Prince Charming’s timing. (I mean, look at Sleeping Beauty ~ she had to wait one hundred years.) The thing is, it takes two people to fulfill that dream, so until your future husband shows up and offers some help in that department, I recommend pursuing the one you can accomplish on your own.

Neither dream is worth sacrificing for the other. The right guy is going to support your other dreams. So live in your first calling until the moment you look up and realize that both of your dreams happen to be right in the same place at the same time. Trust me, God’s cool enough to make that happen.

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11/30/2011

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Fairytale Fallacies

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Desperate Love Songs

So, there’s this song by The Band Perry called All Your Life. It’s kind of a cute little love song, but the bridge trips me up every time, and I find myself responding to Kimberly Perry. Our conversation looks a little something like this:

KP: Lately I’ve been writing desperate love songs.

Me: Really?

KP: I mostly sing them to the wall.

Me: Oh girl.

KP: You could be the centerpiece of my obsession…

Me: Sounds… intense.

KP: …if you’d notice me at all.

Me: Sweetheart, we need to have a little heart-to-heart.

Desperate love songs. Something about that sounds so… well, desperate. I’ve only written one desperate love song in my entire life… and it was a joke. (But if it hadn’t been a joke, it probably could have won an award for “Most Desperate of Love Songs.”) But aside from that, I’m not the kind of girl who sits around writing multiple love songs and singing them to the wall.

And yet, I feel like that’s the boat so many girls are in. Maybe they’re not literally writing love songs, but they’re desperate. But it’s not supposed to be like that. And while the desire to find someone to love you all your life is perfectly normal, the desperate love songs have to end.

Ladies, we’re meant for so much more than singing to the wall. Or the mirror. Or the camera. Or Prince Charming, for that matter. We’ve been waiting so long that we’ve forgotten that we were meant to live. Here. Now. In this moment. So turn off the radio, put down the guitar, and set the hairbrush aside until you need to comb your hair.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – this once upon a time life is so much bigger than the happily ever after ending. There’s no need to be desperate. Life starts now.

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09/02/2011

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Fairytale Fallacies, Heartfelt Prayers

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Embracing the Fairytale

I won’t be Rapunzel sitting in a tower,

staring out the window and dreaming of the hour

I’ll be free from my gilded cage.

I’ll rewrite the story. I will turn the page.

I’ll be the Little Mermaid stretching out my hand,

reaching toward the surface and dreaming of dry land.

I’ll be Cinderella going to the ball,

escaping from the everyday and standing there in awe.

Part of that world, more than a dream,

more than a life of espressos and cream.

Somewhere, somehow,

I’ll live the life I’m merely dreaming of now.

Faith, hope and trust, second star to the right,

straight on ’til morning, I’ll fly through the night.

Fairytale endings, dreams coming true,

and I’m lost in wonder – glorious wonder –

experiencing the mundane with You.

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08/24/2011

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Is it a Sin to be Single?

Got your attention, didn’t I? I would know. See, I didn’t make the title up. It was an honest-to-goodness question I read on someone else’s blog – a question that nearly knocked me out of my chair.

Of course not! That’s preposterous! But this was the question that inspired a whole blog post (two posts, if you want to count mine). Is it a sin to be single? Our culture would like to think so. I got on yahoo this morning and saw a headline that read: “Top cities for single women to live”. Even yahoo is playing matchmaker these days.

But there I was, browsing this blog about singleness when I read the question: “Does the single fact that I am not married mean I am not following in the footsteps of God?”

In case that’s something you’re honestly pondering, let me put your mind at ease… No, no, and more no. Don’t believe me? Check this out:

“An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband.  I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.” -1 Corinthians 7:34-35

According to Paul, it’s the single women who seem to have it together. Singleness is not a curse; it’s a calling. Just as marriage is a calling.

No, it’s not a sin to be single. So release your fears, release your frustrations, release your concerns with the affairs of this world and let yourself live in undivided devotion to the Lord.

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08/03/2011

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The Purpose of a Fairytale

You may have heard the quote: “Disney gave me unrealistic expectations of men.” I’m not sure who invented that statement, but I have to question their accuracy. We have a tendency to blame fairytales for our distorted views of what love should look like, but you never see anyone blaming Disney for making us believe that animals can talk. You never hear anyone complaining, “Oh man, and I really thought last night would be the night Peter Pan showed up at my window.” And when’s the last time you tried to kiss a frog?

Let’s face it, we’re not really expecting to take a bite of a poisoned apple and wait for our Prince to come wake us from a comatose state. No one really expects that to happen. So why are we blaming Snow White for our troubles? Sounds to me like she had it a lot worse than I do.

Fairytales weren’t written to give you a distorted view of romance; they were written to instill hope in the hearts of those who want to give up on living. Prince Charming aside, fairytales are all about chasing your dreams and finding the courage to step into the unknown. That’s the true romance and adventure of a fairytale.

Though many of us still love fairytales to this day, we started watching them as small children – back in our “boys are icky” days. I know that I, personally, did not watch Cinderella for the wedding scene at the end, but for the music and the mice and the adventure that led up to that fateful moment at the ball. When she met Prince Charming, I wasn’t sighing because it was romantic, I was shouting, “Take that, you evil stepsisters!” That was Cinderella’s real victory. She lived as a sweet-hearted servant until she finally rose to the princess position that she deserved.

So stop blaming Disney for your broken dreams, and read the rest of the story. There’s so much more to life than finding Prince Charming. Happily ever after is the end of the story… Try living once upon a time.

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04/13/2011

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Shortage of Mr. Rights

“Is that your new boyfriend?” Sam asked.

I sighed. “How can I have a new boyfriend when I never had an old one?”

An eyebrow cocked, warning me that I was about to be informed that I am one, strange girl. “What?”

At least this time I wasn’t alone. My friend in the “never-been-dated” sisterhood shook her head at the boy’s outburst. “I keep telling him I don’t need a boyfriend.”

“What’s the matter?” he challenged. “Can’t find a guy? I could find one for you.”

“It’s not that there’s a shortage of guys; it’s that there’s a shortage of the right one.”

I loved her response. There’s a shortage of Mr. Rights in this world.

Maybe you believe differently, but I really don’t think that God created a handful of guys that are compatible with me and said, “Here, take your pick.” I truly believe that He made one who was specifically designed with me in mind. And I believe that one day, He will nudge this guy to the forefront of my life and say, “Here, Rebekah, pick this one.”

We have a tendency to take all the men in our lives and line them up in our minds, comparing them to one another. But the wrong guy isn’t a good standard to measure other guys against. Even the wrong guy can look like the right guy when compared to the worst guy.

That kind of comparing is dangerous because it leads to compromise. You start to say to yourself, “Well, he’s better than so-and-so.” But I don’t want someone better; I want someone best.

So pass on by the multitudes, remembering that it’s not just any guy you’re looking for… You’re looking for the right one.

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04/08/2011

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A Few Disclaimers

Apparently, I’m pretty skilled at contradicting myself. Or at least appearing to do so. Since my last post caused such a stir, I’d like to take a moment to clarify a few things. The phrase “Boys are icky” is not a personal attack on men, but my simple way of brushing off set-ups. When said with a smile and a wrinkle of the nose, it can be a great way to turn an awkward situation into a roomful of laughter. You should try it sometime.

Though it’s a pretty easy brush-off, being “icky” isn’t necessarily a bad thing in my book. Some of my best friends are guys – icky, gross, wonderful guys whom I love very dearly.

Now that we’ve got that cleared up, let me assure you that “Beyond Waiting” does not mean “Forever Single.” Shortly after I had finished my first draft of Beyond Waiting, one of my coworkers congratulated me on my uncommon commitment to celibacy. I just stared at him blankly before offering an amused smile. I wonder how he would have responded if I would have told him I’m planning on having six kids some day.

I do want to marry. I do dream of Prince Charming. But then I wake up and realize that the day is brimming with possibilities. So I leave Prince Charming in the dream world and resolve to live the moments. One of those moments will one day inevitably involve meeting my future husband, but I can’t ignore the other moments in hopes of embracing that one.

Beyond Waiting is about a season of singleness that God has given every human being as a gift. Some of us stay in that season longer than others, but length isn’t the issue here. The journey of Beyond Waiting is all about your heart.

If God has granted you permission to enter a new stage of life, that’s great, but God asked me for five years and those years are not yet up. So I turn away from the set-ups and fix my eyes on the only One who has the authority to tell me when the time is right.