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04/06/2012

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Heartfelt Prayers

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What You Became

Today is a day that we celebrate sacrifice – the ultimate sacrifice where the Son of God entered the world and surrendered His life to restore us to Himself. In honor of this hauntingly beautiful day, I’ve composed the following letter to the God who saves:

How did You do it? How did You endure the pain of crucifixion? How did You suffer through the taunting and torture and love them anyway? How did You find it in Your heart to forgive those who meant only harm? What did You see deep in their souls that would cause You to love them? To love me?

How Your heart must have grieved when Your people screamed the words, “We have no king but Caesar!” Peter was not the only one who denied You that day. The very people You fashioned with Your hands cried out for Your destruction on that day… and You knew that they would. When You elected to come to earth, You foresaw that day. How did You feel, knowing that the creation You delight in found no delight in You?

Even as You were dying, You whispered words that would free us. “Father, forgive them. They know not what they do.” And by the time we realized what it was that we did, it was too late. Tho soldier only fell to his knees when the earth and sky trembled – when the Father roared in pain. The earth shuddered with sobs, but the human heart remained unmoved on the day Your words came true. The rocks did cry out when no one else dared to speak Your Name.

And for three days, the world was a dark and lonely place.

Then You came again.

To a people most undeserving, You lavished extravagant love.

I stand in awe of who You are and what You became for me.

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03/30/2012

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Fairytale Fallacies

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Putting Myself In Position

I had some good friends move to Sweden at the beginning of this week, so naturally, I’ve been exposed to a lot of depressing status updates about moving and goodbyes. But Wednesday, I finally saw a status from this friend that made me laugh rather than want to cry:

“I’d definitely be lying if I said Stockholm wasn’t crawling with cute boys…”

I know what you’re thinking, and I, too, have heard that the weather in Sweden in really nice this time of year… but before you pack your bags and jump on the next available flight, humor me for a second and ask yourself why you’re even contemplating moving halfway across the globe.

Why do we think we have to put ourselves in a position that will get us noticed? A place where we can’t be missed? Why do we feel the need to throw our entire heart and soul into finding that one, special person?

I know that the guy you are going to live out the rest of your life alongside is kind of a big deal, so I understand the anxiety; I’ve experienced it myself. It’s hard to live your life trusting that God is going to take care of everything in due time. So we take fate into our own hands and try to arrange a divine connection. And God sits in heaven laughing at our silly game of make-believe.

Because as much as we want to be God, we aren’t. And as much as we want to force things, we can’t.

It’s normal to want to find Mr. Right (even to the point of obsession, sadly), therefore it’s normal to want to put yourself in a position that might arrange a chance meeting between you and your future husband, but we can’t let that become the focus of our lives. We can’t let our desire for marriage be the force that drives us.

If I’m going to put myself in any kind of position, I want it to be the position of obedience. If I’m going to move halfway around the world, I’m going to do it because God called me there; not because it’s a great place to meet guys. (Which I guess I sort of did since my call to missions led me 450 miles from the middle-of-nowhere-Ohio to a thriving, college town. I didn’t do it on purpose – honest!)

There will always be that place in your heart that desires to be filled by a guy, but more importantly, there will always be a call on your life that yearns to be fulfilled by the One who shapes dreams into reality. And that, my friend, is something is something you can’t afford to miss.

THINK ABOUT IT: What position have you been putting yourself in lately? The position that gets you noticed by man, or the position that makes God beam with pride?

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03/13/2012

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Live the Journey

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The Life I Never Planned

“What do you want to be when you grow up?”

I can’t even count the number of times that question has been asked of me. I was never one of those kids who struggled with an answer. I had my entire life figured out by the time I was eight. I was going to be a missionary and a mother. Eventually my writing dream slipped in there too, and by the time I left home, I was set in my plans.

It’s funny how plans change. How the life I once dreamed of is not the life I am currently living. Right now, I’m a missionary drop-out, soon-to-be-published author of the kind of books I never wanted to write with no husband in the foreseeable future. Sometimes I roll my eyes and say that God mocks me, but honestly… Honestly I’m coming to terms with the fact that God knows best.

That He sees the dreams I never dreamed.

That His dreams are better than my dreams.

If you look at people throughout history – people who are famous for doing extraordinary things – I’m willing to bet they didn’t set out to accomplish those things in the beginning. I’m willing to bet that God interrupted their lives with a purpose that was greater than their imaginings.

Take Mary in the Bible, for instance. I’ll bet all Mary really wanted was to marry Joseph and live happily ever after in her comfortable little life. Then came the angel that declared she would give birth to the Son of God. Say what?

God gave Mary a task that was way, WAY beyond anything she could have ever asked or imagined. And it wasn’t easy. Her community scorned her for what they assumed to be an illegitimate pregnancy, her fiance nearly kicked her to the curb (and who could blame him?), and the last Mary sighting in the Bible is at the foot of the cross where she watched her son suffer a horrible death.

Following God’s call on her life cost Mary everything. It hurt. It hurt so much worse than her comfortable dreams of happily ever after ever could. But I’m willing to bet that if you asked Mary if she wished she had done things differently, she would say no. She wouldn’t have it any other way. She had traded her old dreams for a new promise.

And the miracle was worth the price she paid.

As I find myself thinking things like, “This isn’t how I thought my life would turn out,” and “I never asked for this ~ wouldn’t have chosen this,” I think of Mary. And I ask myself if this miracle will be worth the price I paid. Though sometimes it’s hard to imagine, I trust that my final answer will be yes. Yes, it was so worth it. I’m trading my old dreams for a new promise.

And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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02/27/2012

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Sing-Along Scriptures

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Not 4 Sale


Yesterday was Freedom Sunday, and in honor of this protest against human trafficking, I proudly wore the words “NOT 4 SALE” on my arm. I’ve always been passionate about this issue, and after my trip to India with Bombay Teen Challenge, both the horrors and hope have become even more real to me. So here I am, championing this cause until I wake up this morning and stumble across a passage of scripture that makes me feel like a hypocrite.

“But you have lived as a prostitute with many lovers –
would you now return to me?” -Jeremiah 3:1

The words stung my heart this morning because they reminded me of an important truth I had allowed myself to forget. There I was with the words “NOT 4 SALE” tattooed across my arm while I was selling myself short of God’s best for me. Somewhere along the way, I had allowed myself to get caught up in the little things – the petty distractions of life – when all the while God has been standing by the wayside saying, “Hey Rebekah, I have something so much better waiting for you if you’d only take the time to notice.”

It’s amazing how easy it is to stray from God’s perfect will. Even more amazing how difficult it is to see that you’re slowly slipping away from Him. Like I said, it’s the little things that make the biggest difference. Once you allow your life to get so filled up with little things, there’s no room for the truly important things.

Yet all along, God stands by the wayside with open arms, begging us to return to Him. Loving us when we are undeserving. He opens Himself up and gives us the opportunity to bring Him joy… or to break His heart once again by turning our backs on His desperate plea.

Let me make this clear: You are not for sale, so stop selling yourself short. God has something amazing in store for you, so stop chasing fantasies and let Him restore you to His wonderful reality. He doesn’t care what you’ve done or where you’ve been; He misses His little girl. He is begging you to return to Him, but ultimately, the choice is yours. Will you retreat into the shadows or run into His open arms?

As for me, I choose life.

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02/10/2012

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Remember This Day

Have you ever sneaked a peek at the ending of a book before you declared it readable? I’ve never even been tempted to do that. Honestly, I like surprises too much. I mean, I’m the kind of girl who sets her iTunes on shuffle because the normal playlist is too predictable. But there is one story that I wish I could flip ahead a few pages, and that’s the story of my life. But while I can’t fast-forward to the ending, I can read it backwards ~ which is what I’ve been doing the past couple of nights.

It’s amazing what you can find while reading old journal entries. Life looks so different in hindsight. Take the scene where I’m lamenting that I may be doomed to be a loner for the rest of my life. It was a legitimate concern then, but reading it now makes me laugh because I realize that God seriously must have been shaking His head and saying, “Oh Rebekah, you know those two guys you briefly mentioned in that second paragraph? …Yeah.”

Because what I didn’t know on that desperate day was that I had just made initial contact with two people who would soon become some of my dearest friends. But now, here I am, marking the corners of my journal pages with stars and little notes that say, “Remember this day.”

Why? Because I know that, eventually, I’m going to have more of those moments where I can’t see any good in my present situation. I’m going to have more days when I question the way God is working in my life. There are going to be more journal entries riddled with the same frustration that plagues the pages of my past. And if I can just look back and remember the good that came of those seemingly hopeless days, maybe I’ll find the courage to face the unknowns of tomorrow.

If your mind is full of questions to which you feel you’ll never find the answers, I want to encourage you to write them down. Remember this day. Because one day, you’ll be able to read your story backwards. One day, you’ll be able to look back with new eyes and see the things you missed while consumed with the moment. And one day, you’re going to look back and marvel at the wonder of it all.

Oh yes, you’ll want to remember this day.

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01/23/2012

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Don’t You Know Anything?

About six weeks ago, I read the most haunting book about the Nazi regime. Since then (which is ironically the name of the book ~ Then), the catchphrase of one young character has lingered in my mind: “Don’t you know anything?”

Sort of random, but a well-written book will do that to you. Anyway, the phrase resurfaced as I read through the book of Isaiah and found words of a similar kind:

“Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and His understanding no one can fathom.” (Isaiah 40:28)

“Don’t you know anything?” Isaiah seems to be asking. And I could feel guilty, but I don’t. Instead, I’m merely thankful for the reminder. This verse started a whole list of questions in my mind.

Do you not know… that God is bigger than any problem you may face?

Have you not heard… that the Lord is mighty to save?

Do you not know… that God is in control of both the big and little things?

Have you not heard… that He’s going to win in the end?

Do you not know… that God loves you with everything He is?

Have you not heard… the song of love He sings over you?

Do you not know… that He’s waiting with arms wide open?

Have you not heard… how He desperately calls your name?

Do you not know? Have you not heard? Don’t you know anything?

I realize how little I do know. More importantly, I realize that it’s okay to not know everything… just as long as I know that I can trust God with the things I don’t understand.

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01/20/2012

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The In-Between Places

“Egypt’s prince became Israel’s deliverer – but somewhere in the middle he had to become Midian’s shepherd so he could learn how to lead in a godly way.” ~Shannon Primicerio

I’ve probably read those words about Moses a minimum of five times without ever really seeing them. This time, they jumped out at me. I’m going to blame it on the fact that I’m smack dab in the middle of the “Midian phase.”

Midian for Moses was an in-between place – a step away from where he didn’t want to remain, but not quite where he wanted to be. It’s a place most of us dread – a place of transition and change. Midian was a necessary tool in shaping Moses into the leader God desired for him to be, but he didn’t know that when he fled Egypt.

That’s the thing about in-between places. They never make sense while you’re in them. Sometimes you look around and ask, “God, why am I here?” But He never seems to answer, unless He gives you the occasional, “You’ll see.” But it would seem that you never “see” soon enough.

It’s frustrating to live in the in-between places. Sometimes all you can think about is how this isn’t where you want to be – even when you know it’s so much better than the place you left. Or worse, you turn out like the Israelites when they were waiting in the desert. You start to miss the place of bondage from which you fled. You start to think, “At least then I knew what was going on. I have no idea what’s happening here!”

But the thing is, God doesn’t want you to live in bondage. He doesn’t want you to merely exist; He wants you to thrive. So He takes you out of those places where you are slowly fading and He leads you into another place – the in-between place – because He knows the in-between places are necessary if you want to reach the other side.

So don’t dread the in-between places, even when they don’t seem to make sense. Don’t you know that God is making a deliverer out of you?

“But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.” ~Job 23:10

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01/16/2012

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Embrace Truth

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God, is that You or am I schizophrenic?

The past two weeks, our youth group has been talking about faith. This week’s small group led to some pretty interesting discussion as I asked my girls for some examples of people in the Bible who had faith. In order to help the girls grasp the concept that they can have faith like these heroes of old, I tried to expose some flaws in these characters. Their doubts, their fears, their struggles… Basically, their humanity. At the mention of Moses, I expressed my gratitude that I’m not the only one who argues with God.

“You can’t argue with God,” one of my students laughed. “He doesn’t talk back.”

Oh, He talks back. Trust me, sweetheart, He does talk back. I know this because I have argued with God and He has answered me. But only after I learned to listen for His voice. Only after I knew enough about the character of God that I could recognize that still, small voice as more than a passing thought.

But I guess the one thing we proved in small group this week is that, if God doesn’t talk back, I’m a schizophrenic.

And so am I!

Shh, be quiet you.

Whoa, sorry about that. But seriously, how many times do you suppose we brush off God’s voice thinking that our imagination has run wild? How many times have you heard someone say, “God doesn’t speak now like He did then”? If God can’t still reveal Himself in a burning bush or a big cloud or a still, small voice that whispers soft but clear, why does the Bible say that “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever”? (Hebrews 13:8) Why are we so hesitant to believe that God talks back? Is it because we haven’t attuned our hearts to listen?

No, it’s not an audible voice, and yes, sometimes it feels more like a thought. But sometimes that “feeling” is more like a certainty. Sometimes that “thought” is just as clear as anything audible could ever be. If the definition of faith is “being certain of things not seen” (Hebrews 11:1), I have faith that I can also be certain of things not heard.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to argue with God over yet another one of His harebrained assignments. Though, I’m not sure why I bother. He always wins in the end.

That’s right I do.

Ahem. But He doesn’t always get the last word.

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01/04/2012

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The Blank Page Before Me

I honestly would have slept right through the welcome of the new year if it hadn’t been for all the people in my house. As far as I’m concerned, it’s just a day like any other. I’ve never gotten caught up in the “brand new start” and resolutions that were meant to be broken. Which is interesting, because this year is a new start if I’ve ever had one.

I didn’t mean to quit my job in December; that’s just when it became clear that I couldn’t stay any longer. My decision shocked a lot of people. My friends, co-workers, parents… even myself. You try dreaming of something for twelve years and then realize God is calling you to something much bigger. That the dream you clung to as a child was only a small part of God’s dream for your future.

I know in my heart that the changes happened slowly – that the dreams shifted gradually. Still, it feels as if I woke up one day and found that I was a completely different woman.

Everything is new in 2012. New job, new vision, new possibilities, new challenges. I’m excited and scared all at once. Excited to see these dreams unfolding, but scared that they won’t work out exactly as I planned. Ecstatic that I’ll soon be a published author, but afraid of the new challenges that will come with this responsibility. Thrilled that God will be there to walk me through this process, but nervous that I won’t always be able to interpret His voice.

I stare at the blank page before me and wonder if I’m crazy for even considering pursuing writing full-time. I can relate to Moses when he asked God, “Who am I?” But the same words God spoke to Moses resound in my heart. “I will be with you.”

On that promise, I pick up my pen and begin to write this new chapter.

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12/30/2011

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#10 – Wear it on Your Heart

You’ve written my name on the palm of Your hand, but until You revealed it to me, I had no idea it so closely resembled a nail-shaped scar.

I have a slight obsession with names. Seriously. While I love the names Silas and Gideon, I refuse to use both of them because the first means “forest dweller” and the second, “tree cutter.” That’s just asking for World War III to break out in your home.

Names are important. Your name is what defines you. That’s why I’m glad my mom was kind enough to name me “devoted and cherished.” And maybe that’s also why I was so touched when I read this article about Indian girls changing their names.

Here are a group of young women who have known from birth that they were “unwanted.” But on this one glorious day, they decided to make that change. They decided to transform the way they saw themselves and force others to see them in this new light. I wish I could have been there to watch these 285 girls receive the certificates that would restore them with a sense of worth. I wish I could have been there to see their smiles, to cry their happy tears.

But here I am, half a world away, talking to you. And I’m sure you have labels – names – that define you. And I’m sure there are words bouncing around in your mind. Words like: worthless, stupid, failure, unlovable… and God only knows what else. But you know what? You don’t have to go by those names anymore. You don’t have to see yourself as alone and unwanted. You don’t have to believe that your life has no value.

You are:

a child of God. (John 1:12)

chosen by God. (Ephesians 1:4)

valuable. (Matthew 10:31)

beautiful. (Psalm 45:11)

delivered. (Psalm 34:4)

endlessly loved. (Isaiah 54:10)

God knows your name, and He loved it enough to inscribe it on the palm of His hand. (Isaiah 49:16) He wears your name like a tattoo. I’m not really into tattoos, but I love the thought that I’m a permanent part of the Almighty God.

When the world screams that you’re unloved, unwanted, and undesired, God throws a renaming party and totally redefines you. Wear your new name on your heart as God wears it on His hand, and know that you are so much more than the words that define you.