#6 – Life Like a River

I waded down the river of an Indian jungle. Took another unsure step. The rock beneath my foot shifted, causing me to stumble. A hand reached out to steady me. I smiled at Sunil – my friend and my guide. We walked hand-in-hand down the river. Occasionally, he would guide me to the other side, telling me it was safer to walk there. I trusted him. After all, he knew this river better than I did. All the way down and all the way back up, I didn’t fall once. Yes, there were a few times that I stumbled – even a time that I lost my shoe – but Sunil’s firm grip on my hand kept me upright.

When Sunil asked me to think about why God brought me to India and what purpose it would play in my life now, my mind drifted back to the river. That river, much like my life, is unpredictable. I never know if my next step is going to be steady, or if the rocks of life are going to slip out from underneath my feet. But life, much like that river, is so much easier to manage when you don’t have to walk it alone.

I think we lose so much of life’s adventure in the planning. I’m one of those people who loves to know what’s going to happen ahead of time. Taking a step into the unknown can be unnerving. When the water is deeper than we anticipated, it can be downright scary. But sort of like my Indian guide was there for me, God is there to hold our hand, to keep us from falling, and to guide us to safety.

I used to think I had my life all figured out, but I’ve come to a place where I have no idea what God is doing with my life right now. I can barely see the next step, let alone what’s going to happen a few weeks into the future. But for the first time in my life, I feel like it’s okay to not know. For now, I’ll just keep holding onto Jesus as I take an unsteady step into the river that is my life.

Throwing Up on God

I wouldn’t consider myself a particularly sensitive/emotional female, but sometimes I reach this point where there’s so much going on inside of me that I just snap and emotionally throw-up on someone. And that someone is usually God. I don’t mean to do it; it just happens. But I don’t really think He minds.

The greatest thing about throwing up on God is that He doesn’t try to give me answers. I hate venting to someone who feels like they have to calm me down or “fix it” right off. He’s the only person who seems to understand that all I want to do is just release my pent-up frustration.

I think we often feel like it’s not okay to be honest with God. Like it’s not okay to tell Him what’s really going on in our hearts. As if we’ve forgotten that He already knows exactly what we’re thinking and feeling. Maybe it’s the home I was raised in (one that was very open to expressing our emotions), but I don’t see anything wrong with spilling my guts to God.

But maybe, just maybe, you didn’t know it’s okay to tell God how you really feel. Maybe you needed someone to give you permission to throw-up on God. And maybe you needed to be reminded that the very reason Jesus came and died and tore the temple veil is so that you could approach Him with everything – even the emotional throw-up.

Because a Thankful Heart is a Happy Heart

Thanksgiving is a great holiday. It’s the one day a year that everyone is mindful of the many blessings in their lives. It’s a day that we’re reminded to celebrate the things we should be celebrating every single day of our lives. And while there are days I fail to express my gratitude, today I want to stop and say that I’m thankful for:

family who loves me no matter what I say or do:

friends who keep me laughing (and laughter that keeps me sane):

authors who have impacted my life with their words:

horses that let me ride them:

letters in the mail:

all the beautiful things you find at the ocean:

every morning I’m allowed to wake up to this glorious view:

the God who has blessed me so abundantly…

Happy Thanksgiving. May you realize how truly, wonderfully, immensely blessed you are.

What are you thankful for?

The Word

So, I may have a slight fascination with words. (That’s why I’m a writer.) I used to think that this fascination was the reason John 1:1 jumped out at me. But then I began to wonder… Perhaps it’s the other way around. Perhaps my fascination with the English language is a reflection of my fascination with the Eternal Word.

I dare you to read John 1 and not be moved by it. Go ahead and try to study it without having your mind blown. It moves from creation to salvation in a mere eighteen verses.

Jesus is the Word that spoke life into being. The Word that became flesh and dwelt among us. The Word that came to rebuild and restore.

The Bible says that no one has ever seen God, and yet… the Word – who came and walked among us, lived our lives, breathed our air, dreamed our dreams, and died for the sins of us all – has made God known to us.

So during this Thanksgiving season, I’m thankful that the Word became flesh and stepped into my story in order to tear the veil inside my heart and speak new life into my existence.

The Door of My Heart

In light of my recent announcement that I’m stepping out and pursuing a new dream, a co-worker of mine decided to educate me on the subject of open doors. It’s his personal opinion that God doesn’t open doors. He claims that the doors are always open with the exception of one… the door of our hearts. Now, it’s a great theory, and I would agree that sometimes our hearts are the only door left to open. But that’s not always the case.

Sometimes my heart feels ready before the rest of me is. And sometimes I want to go barging through a door I probably shouldn’t open yet. A look through my journals will prove that I’ve been jiggling the knob on this door for a little over a year now. Trust me, if it wasn’t locked, I’d have gone right through it a long time ago and ended up who-knows-where. But it was locked. Because God knew I needed a little more preparation before starting this new journey.

Maybe the doors in my co-worker’s life are always open, but the doors in mine are definitely closed because God isn’t worried about having to fight with my heart; He’s worried that my heart is going to move sooner than my head.

And maybe there are doors that God has left hanging open, waiting for the day we finally have the courage to step over the threshold. But most doors are left closed until the timing is right, and then there is nothing that could keep you from walking into the great unknown.

“This is the message from the one who is holy and true, the one who has the key of David. What he opens, no one can close; and what he closes, no one can open.” -Revelation 3:7

Chasing the Wind

I was talking to a missionary friend about doctrine the other day. He said it’s something he’s been struggling with lately as he visits churches here in the States. He’s had a couple of churches tell him that they’d only be willing to support him if he and the pastors he supervises preach the doctrine these churches believe.

Now, I’m not saying doctrine is a bad thing. It’s great… until it gets in the way of more important things. The little details that define denominations are not the Gospel that my friend is proclaiming. And when people in India are dying without ever coming to know the Lord, what does it matter what they believe about predestination? The only thing that matters is that they are saved.

You can analyze the entire Bible and interpret it whatever way you wish, but there are certain truths that never change no matter how you look at them. As long as Jesus remains in the center of things, the other details are just details – and they shouldn’t keep anyone from getting involved in what God is doing around the world.

I couldn’t help but smile as my friend confessed that some of the driest seasons of his life were in seminary – with all that knowledge, all that theology, all that doctrine. It reminded me of the verse in Ecclesiastes that says, “Then I applied myself to the understanding of wisdom, and also of madness and folly, but I learned that this, too, is a chasing after the wind. For with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief.” (chapter 1, verses 17-18)

You can know everything there is to know about Christianity and still feel as if you’re missing something because it’s not doctrine that draws us to the heart of the Father; it’s His unfathomable love and mercy. And while it’s important to know what you believe, you can’t let the little things separate you from other believers. God never intended for doctrine to divide His church. Don’t get so caught up in chasing the wind that you miss the miracle of what God is doing in this moment here and now.

That’s My King

Right on the heels of my post about running, God yet again reminds me of who He is. Bible study yesterday morning started off with this rousing video about my King. I know God’s talking to me, and I hope you’re blessed by this powerful reminder of what kind of God we serve:

I wish I could describe Him to you, but He’s indescribable.

That’s my King.

Do you know Him?

Running

“I’m running as fast as I can and every hour is another frantic stride. I used to think I was running toward you, then for awhile I thought I was running away from you. But in truth you’ve been running beside me this whole time.” ~Steven James

That’s the kind of God I serve – the kind that sticks close to me whether I’m seeking Him or not. The kind that doesn’t wait for me to run into His arms, but rushes to meet me where I’m at. The kind that doesn’t wait for me to wander back to Him, but follows me as I meander along the bunny trails of life.

He’s the kind of God who doesn’t wait for an invite to help a friend in need. He’s the kind of God who stands patiently by my side until I finally turn and notice that He’s there – that His arms are open and that His love is true.

Even when I run a million miles in the wrong direction, He loves me enough to keep running beside me. And even when I think that I’ve drifted too far – when I believe that redemption is too far out of reach, I find Him waiting. Waiting there all along, hoping I’ll turn around and notice Him. And it’s during those times when I realize how lost I truly am, that I’m thankful He runs alongside me just waiting for the moment He can turn around and carry me back to the life I was always meant to live.

Oh My Mysterious God

“Who has seen the wind?

Neither I nor you.

But when the leaves hang trembling,

The wind is passing through.”

-Christina Rossetti

Your Presence washes over my spirit today and I know. Though I cannot see Your hand, I see that You’re opening doors for me. Though I can’t see Your face, I feel the warmth of Your smile.

If I could wrap my mind around You, You wouldn’t be God.

If You lived within the bounds of human comprehension, You wouldn’t be divine.

If You were something I could study and scientifically prove, You wouldn’t fill me with wonder.

But as the breeze proves its existence to me by playing with my hair, the tiny miracles surrounding me remind me that You’re alive and You are here.

And that is all of the mystery I need to know.

Wear it on Your Heart

I have a slight obsession with names. Seriously. While I love the names Silas and Gideon, I refuse to use both of them because the first means “forest dweller” and the second, “tree cutter.” That’s just asking for World War III to break out in your home.

Names are important. Your name is what defines you. That’s why I’m glad my mom was kind enough to name me “devoted and cherished.” And maybe that’s also why I was so touched when I read this article about Indian girls changing their names.

Here are a group of young women who have known from birth that they were “unwanted.” But on this one glorious day, they decided to make that change. They decided to transform the way they saw themselves and force others to see them in this new light. I wish I could have been there to watch these 285 girls receive the certificates that would restore them with a sense of worth. I wish I could have been there to see their smiles, to cry their happy tears.

But here I am, half a world away, talking to you. And I’m sure you have labels – names – that define you. And I’m sure there are words bouncing around in your mind. Words like: worthless, stupid, failure, unlovable… and God only knows what else. But you know what? You don’t have to go by those names anymore. You don’t have to see yourself as alone and unwanted. You don’t have to believe that your life has no value.

You are:

a child of God. (John 1:12)

chosen by God. (Ephesians 1:4)

valuable. (Matthew 10:31)

beautiful. (Psalm 45:11)

delivered. (Psalm 34:4)

endlessly loved. (Isaiah 54:10)

God knows your name, and He loved it enough to inscribe it on the palm of His hand. (Isaiah 49:16) He wears your name like a tattoo. I’m not really into tattoos, but I love the thought that I’m a permanent part of the Almighty God.

When the world screams that you’re unloved, unwanted, and undesired, God throws a renaming party and totally redefines you. Wear your new name on your heart as God wears it on His hand, and know that you are so much more than the words that define you.